Nurse shares heartbreak, mental toll for nurses amid COVID-19 surge in Missouri

By Gabriela Vidal

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    ST. LOUIS (KMOV) — Devastation and heartbreak are just a few words to describe was nurses like Mychal Atwood experience every day working in the ICU amid the delta variant surge in St. Louis.

“It’s hard, day in and day out to see these people’s lives, [their] journey comes to an end,” said Atwood. “Every day we admit a few more COVID patients.”

Atwood has been working as a nurse for the last three years, but she was most recently drafted to work in the COVID-19 unit at Barnes Jewish Hospital a year ago. She says a lot has changed, including the impact COVID-19 has on the patients she sees in the hospital.

“You know we had that little glimmer of hope there whenever our ICUs were a bit [emptier] that maybe [we] have survived this and we’ve gotten through it. But this new wave has kind of brought more devastation,” she said. “Not only with like staffing rations, but just the flood of patients that are coming in now.”

This month, she took to social media to share what she and other nurses are battling, working on the frontlines of this new variant.

“I really just wanted everyone to know how hurt and stressed all of this has been. Sometimes it kind of seems like a slap in the face whenever we see people going to raves or giant public events without taking the proper precautions, without being vaccinated, or social distancing, or wearing a mask,” she said. “Because it’s not just about me. [It’s] not just about even them necessarily, the normal healthy individuals. It’s about those that can’t protect themselves…those who have weakened immune systems.”

Nearly 90 percent of patients hospitalized for COVID-19 in the St. Louis metro region are unvaccinated, according to the St. Louis Metropolitan Pandemic Task Force. As of Friday, 522 patients are in the hospital with COVID-19 in the metro region, with a seven-day moving average of 9 new deaths a day.

“We have patients that are rapidly deteriorating, much quicker than what he original [pandemic] brought in,” said Atwood.

Despite doing everything they can, Atwood says most of the unvaccinated are not making it out of the ICU.

“There are definitely some patients that are about to be intubated or struggling to breathe that are telling us, ‘Okay I’ll take the vaccine, I’ll do it now if you have it,’ and unfortunately, their immune system is already compromised, so it’s not really an option. And that’s just heartbreaking,” said Atwood.

Atwood said she and her fellow nurses rely on one another to keep their mental spirits up during this new surge, but it still weighs heavily on them.

“I’ve held my coworkers as they’ve cried before over our patients. We’ve had a pretty young population come through our ICU doors, and it’s not easy,” she said. “The greatest thank you that you can give a nurse right now is to be vaccinated. To be vaccinated and responsible out in public, and really take this seriously.”

With the FDA now approving the Pfizer vaccine, Atwood holds onto some glimmer of hope that more people will get vaccinated.

“We’re hopeful, but we’re also very realistic that it’s not going away any time soon,’ said Atwood. “Vaccinated or unvaccinated, we’re going to fight for our patients to the best of our abilities. We’re going to advocate for their needs, for their wants, how they want to live their life, how they want to be treated. It’s my duty and responsibility to be there for them during this time.”

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